Morrissey canceled the rest of his tour dates, because he’s Morrissey


    “I am informed today that the projected tour of South America is snuffed out, thus euthanized – due, I’m reliably advised, to lack of funding. It’s quite easy to sell tickets, yet impossible to transport band and crew from F to G.”

    And with that Morrissey has done it again — postponing a leg of upcoming tour dates set for South America later this month.

    The singer has postponed more dates than he’s actually played in 2013. The South American leg was to be his return to the stage following a North American tour which was ultimately canceled due to “a series of medical mishaps over the past few months including a bleeding ulcer, Barrett’s esophagus, and double pneumonia.” However, after suffering severe food poisoning at the hands of penne pasta and tomato, Moz canceled all but four of the South American dates. He’s now scrapped those, too.


    Morrissey got extra angsty in an issued statement announcing his latest cancellation.

    “In a year when far too many disappointments have been buried this really is the last of many final straws, and I am not alone in feeling this. The future is suddenly absent, and my apologies are now so frequent as to be somewhat ridiculous, and it is I who apologize because no one else would bother. It is agonizing to be responsible for imparting such news – especially when it springs upon me unexpectedly and inexplicably. But the collapse of South America rings the curtain down with a colossal thud, and the major problems remain as insoluble now as they were in 2009. The obvious conclusion stares back at me from the mirror, and the wheels are finally off the covered wagon. Cancellations and illness have sucked the life out of all of us, and the only sensible solution seems to be the art of doing nothing.”

    “As always I ask your pardon, and I offer pangs of overwhelming love and gratitude to the band and the crew, whose loyalty stretched above and beyond.

    “I shall see you in my dreams.”

    In related news, Morrissey has since canceled his dreams after mistakenly ingesting 3 oz of diet Coke. “How am I ever to fall asleep again?” he said in a statement. He’s since returned to London for medical treatment. Refunds are available at the point of purchase.

    Morrissey 2013 Tour Dates:
    07/22 – Santiago, CL @ Teatro la Cupula
    07/23 – Santiago, CL @ Teatro la Cupula
    07/25 – Santiago, CL @ Amanda Club
    07/26 – Santiago, CL @ Movistar Club
    07/28 – Buenos Aires, AR @ Tecnopolis
    07/30 – San Paolo, BR @ Credicard Hall
    08/02 – Brasilia, BR @ Espaco Iguatemi
    08/04 – Rio de Janerio, BR @ CitiBank Hall