If trailers are to be trusted, then the basic plot structure of Muppets Most Wanted (out tomorrow, March 21st) falls somewhere along these lines: good-natured, often naïve everyman whose doppelganger happens to be a criminal mastermind has the old switcheroo pulled on him and must persevere (with the help of an unlikely friend or two) in order to foil his adversary’s diabolical scheme, right the injustices done to him, and save his friends (and perhaps even the world) just in the nick of time. As storylines go, it’s about as thin as Fozzie Bear’s skin (or fur) when Statler and Waldorf’s heckles really start zinging, and bears an unfortunate resemblance to the plot of Ernest Goes to Jail. KnowhutImean?
Luckily, the Muppets’ formula for cinematic success has never relied upon remarkably original or complex plotlines. Basically, the trick is to let the frog, pig, bear, and whatever do their thing, throw in some celebrity cameos, go as meta as puppetly possible, and tie it all together with songs capable of eliciting tears as well as guffaws — which is where we decided to chime in. In anticipation of the one or more new songs from Muppets Most Wanted that we’ll inevitably be humming in the weeks to come, we compiled a list of our favorite tunes from the Muppets’ theatrical films.
In other words, once again it’s time to play the music…
Matt Melis
–Senior Editor
10. “Scrooge” from The Muppet Christmas Carol
Muppet Ensemble
In many ways, “Scrooge” went against what 1992 audiences expected from a song in a Muppet film. The tone was dark, the lyrics centered around a non-Henson character (a human one at that), and, other than an expository appearance from Gonzo as Charles Dickens and Rizzo the Rat as his sidekick, there’s not a single major player to be seen. But all of these departures served the story. The reason we get secondary Muppet characters such as George the Janitor and the Blue Frackle as opposed to Kermit or Piggy is because their characters haven’t been introduced yet. It wouldn’t make sense to have the Cratchits sing about the world’s most famous miser when we get to see them interact with him directly not long afterward. Also, keeping with the Dickensian aesthetic, the music broods with Victorian-era instruments; French horn, piccolo trumpet, and harpsichord push a shadowed Michael Caine through 19th century London, as the city’s poor look on. Sure, there are the usual moments of comedy — wealthy pigs, talking vegetables, mice who beg for cheese — but “Scrooge” proved that The Muppets could be serious when they wanted to, even when adapting someone else’s work.
What Rizzo Would Say:
“It’s a good beginning. It’s creepy and kind of spooky.”
–Dan Caffrey
09. “Pictures in My Head” from The Muppets
Kermit the Frog and the Muppets
Just like Christopher Nolan had to introduce us to his Gotham, The Muppets director James Bobin and writers Jason Segel and Nicholas Stoller needed a song that could explain their vision for the next phase of the beloved Muppets movie franchise. Enter music director Bret McKenzie (Flight of the Conchords) and “Pictures in My Head” (composed by Jeannie Lurie, Aris Archontis, Chen Neeman), a song in which a wistful Kermit ponders the possibility of repairing his dearest friendships. In an emotional two minutes, which barely registers above a soft ribbit, we learn that time has passed, the Muppets have parted ways, and the future remains quite uncertain. Of course, we know the old gang will get back together again. (As Kermit once said in a classic meta moment from The Great Muppet Caper: “If not, it’ll be a real short movie.”) But, just as it does for Kermit, “Pictures in My Head” reminds us all that a bear’s unbearable jokes or a whatever’s cannonball act are things that shouldn’t be taken for granted.
What Statler and Waldorf Would Say:
Statler: “Ya know, there’s nothing like a good musical number.”
Waldorf: “And that was nothing like a good musical number.”
Both: “Oh, hoahaha-hahoha.”
–Matt Melis
08. “I’m Gonna Always Love You” from The Muppets Take Manhattan
The Muppet Babies
Miss Piggy has been known to musically daydream in Muppets movies. Who could forget love at first sight between a pig and frog in The Muppet Movie’s “Never Before, Never Again” or Kermit and Charles Grodin trying to out-Pavarotti each other during “Piggy’s Fantasy” in The Great Muppet Caper? But to daydream up one of the quintessential cartoons of the ‘80s and ‘90s… now that takes some pork chops. And do we really care that Piggy’s “I’m Gonna Always Love You” daydream was tangential at best to The Muppets Take Manhattan and likely just a freebie plug for the animated television series Muppet Babies, which debuted on CBS just two months after Manhattan hit theaters? Um, no. This surprisingly infectious nursery ditty coupled with the chance to see baby puppet versions of Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, and Rowlf more than make up for having the audacity to interrupt the flick with a three-minute commercial.
What Scooter Would Say:
“Hey, where’s Skeeter? Wait, who the heck is Skeeter?”
—Matt Melis
07. “Can You Picture That?” from The Muppet Movie
Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
Paul Williams wrote plenty of songs for actual bands in the ’70s. So it only makes sense that his tune for Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem would rock just as hard. Actually, scratch that. “Can You Picture That?” rocks harder than anything performed by Three Dog Night (which, admittedly, is a pretty easy task). Williams and co-writer Kenny Ascher’s secret weapon? Zoot’s saxophone. While the laconic blue Muppet is often silent and delegated to the background, here, his dirty solo provides the melody line everyone most remembers from the song. Although he’s the only member of the Mayhem who doesn’t get to sing — even Animal gets a chorus (“Caa you picka thaa?”) — he still makes his mark. For his proudest moment, fast forward to 1:40, where his spin reaches Clarence Clemons levels of badassery. Elsewhere, Dr. Teeth, Floyd Pepper, and Janice each rattle off a verse as they give Kermit and Fozzie’s Studebaker a stoner’s paint job (outside a church, no less). The trippy bubbles, stars, and rainbows match the nonsensical words: “Now the Eiffel Tower’s/ Holdin’ up a flower/ I gave it to a Texas cat,” muses Teeth in his best Dr. John impression. Amen, brother.
What Zoot Would Say:
(blows a low A note and looks into his sax, confused.)
—Dan Caffrey
06. “Happiness Hotel” from The Great Muppet Caper
The Muppets
One web gripe I’ve heard about the upcoming Muppets Most Wanted is that it largely takes place in Europe. Maybe that’s a reasonable gripe (no, not at all) if you ignore the fact that The Muppet Show was filmed in London, as was The Great Muppet Caper, cinematic home to “Happiness Hotel”, arguably the greatest ensemble musical number the Muppets ever pulled off. When identical twin reporters Kermit and Fozzie (yes, you read that right) and their photographer, Gonzo, travel to London to catch a dastardly jewel thief (played by Charles Grodin), they need cheap (read: free) lodgings. That place turns out to be the Happiness Hotel, memorably described by Fozzie: “Baaaaa… If that’s the Happiness Hotel, I’d hate to see what the sad one looks like.”
But while the Happiness Hotel may lack modern, or really any, amenities, there’s no better joint to get your Euro’s worth of Muppets. Our heroes’ musical check-in features a medley of music and gags, performances by both Rowlf on piano and the Electric Mayhem, and a variety of vocal contributions, even from ancillary characters like Pops, Rizzo, and Scooter. Ultimately, “Happiness Hotel” taught us that Europe isn’t all that different from the States. The band is still rocking, the chef is still Swedish, and the bellhops still look like rats.
What Pepe the King Prawn Would Say:
“Every Tom, Dick, and Carlos was in that number, okaaay. I think I saw my cousin Manola!”
—Matt Melis
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