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Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

A collection of heroes and villains that are "most satisfactory"

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    This feature originally ran in February 2016 and has been re-published today as Isle of Dogs hits theaters.

    “It is an extremely common mistake. People think the writer’s imagination is always at work, that he’s constantly inventing an endless supply of incidents and episodes — that he simply dreams up his stories out of thin air. In point of fact, the opposite is true. Once the public knows you’re a writer, they bring the characters and events to you. And as long as you maintain your ability to look, and to carefully listen, these stories will continue to … Stop it! Stop it! Don’t! Don’t do it!”

    –The author as an old man shot with pellets by his grandson, The Grand Budapest Hotel.

    The world of Wes Anderson is a perfectly designed park that audiences have been so lucky to play in. Brimming with nostalgia, resolute framing, addled adolescence, troubled adulthood, and of course, sensationally drawn characters, Anderson builds terrific dramas and comedy of the surreally humane.

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    Today, in celebration of the release of Anderson’s latest film, Isle of DogsConsequence of Sound seeks to rank those characters — for their qualities, idiosyncrasies, and all around memorability. From Sam and Suzy to Ari and Uzi. Why there’s even room for Mr. Fox and Cody the three-legged dog.

    But why? Because we can. Because Max Fischer would.

    –Blake Goble
    Senior Staff Writer

    p.s. Let us know where your favorite Isle of Dogs characters should slot into our list in the future…

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    161. Fire Chief

    Martin Ballard, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.03.44 PM

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    Like the pilot, the fire chief just does what he’s asked with little emotion on his face. We’d like him more if he actually enjoyed flushing animals out of their burrows, but instead, he’s an empty shell of a man. –Dan Caffrey


    160. Pilot

    Rob Hersov, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    88 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    The pilot for Franklin Bean is nothing more than a mustachioed stooge, eager to do anything for his mean-ass boss, no matter how horrible. It’s not the actions that make him bad, but his refusal to ask why he’s doing them in the first place. –Dan Caffrey


    159. Grande Dame

    Lisa Kreuzer, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Lisa Kreuzer, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    This is a deep cut Anderson character right here. Gotta look around the edges of the framing. Cultish German actress Lisa Kreuzer as the Grande Dame was one of Gustave H.’s many bedfellows. –Blake Goble


    158. Carmen

    Anna Cifuentes, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 11.05.52 AM

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    No, she doesn’t know where Inez is at this moment. Or where else she belongs in this film. –Michael Roffman


    157. Serge’s Sister

    Giselda Volodi, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.04.46 PM

    Five lines: “Yes, sir?” “Yes, sir.” “No, sir.” “No, sir.” “Yes, sir.” Then she gets beheaded. –Allison Shoemaker


    156. Anita

    Melinda Renna, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 11.14.00 AM

    Who could hang up on Anthony? She could. Anita doesn’t get much screen time, but she has one icy resolve. –Michael Roffman


    155. Rabbit Girl and Boy

    Molly Copper, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.35.15 PM

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    Rabbit Girl and Boy’s cuteness gets undercut by their crazed red eyes — unsettling in the worst way possible. –Dan Caffrey


    154. Rob

    Stephan Dignan, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 4.27.05 PM

    Rob, aren’t you supposed to be in literature? –Randall Colburn


    153. Dr. Badger

    Jennifer Furches, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    110 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Dr. Badger gets brownie points from us because she’s a pediatrician, and thus the resident healer in Fantastic Mr. Fox. She also looks exactly like her husband Clive Badger, which means he disappears all too easily in Bill Murray’s shadow. –Dan Caffrey


    152. Antonia Cook

    Isabella Blow, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    Isabella Blow, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

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    Antonia only shows up in brief to congratulate Zissou on his success, and what a success it was. Seriously. (We wish it didn’t require the “seriously,” but hey.) –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    151. Mr. Beaver

    Steven M. Rales, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.41.11 PM

    For most of the film, the bucktoothed rodent stands there like a goon in his three-piece suit, never uttering a word or offering to help. Only when he goes on a reconnaissance mission after the animals are holed up underground does he begin to distinguish himself. –Dan Caffrey


    150. Doug, Explosives Man

    Tristan Oliver, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 12.54.19 PM

    It’s great that one of the film’s biggest catastrophes comes from an explosives expert who’s simply named Doug. “Contact!” –Michael Roffman


    149. Antonio Monda

    Antonio Monda, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    122 e1456087808435 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    As much as it’s a hoot to see the real-life professor/director/essayist/cultural giant interview Steve Zissou in The Life Aquatic, most of the good stuff ended up on the cutting-room floor. –Dan Caffrey


    148. Izod

    L.J. Foley, Moonrise Kingdom

    L.J. Foley, Moonrise Kingdom

    Izod is the kinda guy who will absolutely run off to get more gunpowder when so ordered. What? It’s not like they can all be memorable. –Allison Shoemaker


    147. Herr Mendl

    Rainer Reiners, The Grand Budapest

    herr mendl Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    While he may have been a talented patisserie man … actually, Agatha did the work. Okay, while he might have had great craftsmanship and packaging design … well, again, that craft seemed like Agatha, and the design would have likely been outsourced. Yeah, alright, Herr Mendl was likely a touchy, credit-hogging, oddball loner wasn’t he? –Blake Goble


    146. Doctor

    Dipak Pallana, The Royal Tenenbaums

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 12.00.50 PM

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    There’s not much to say about Dipak Pallana’s Doctor, though this won’t be the actor’s last appearance on this list. He’s also, interestingly enough, the son of Kumar Pallana, who we’ll meet later on. –Randall Colburn


    145. Rabbit’s Ex-Girlfriend

    Allison Abbate, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.09.41 PM

    One of the many ancillary animals in The Fantastic Mr. Fox, she enjoys the title character’s newspaper column, but can’t be bothered to get a subscription because she’s too cheap. A boring, stingy accountant. No wonder she’s Mr. Rabbit’s “ex” girlfriend! –Dan Caffrey


    144. Lieutenant

    Neal Huff, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.02.52 PM

    Anderson takes a lot of care with his films. Often even if a character’s known only by a title or description, they’re dynamic and feel real. This is not one of those cases. –Allison Shoemaker


    143. Dr. Nichols

    Ned Dowd, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 4.55.44 PM

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    Um, seems like a nice enough guy. He lets Anthony crawl out of his window with a rope of tied bedsheets and doesn’t call security, so that’s pretty cool. –Randall Colburn


    142. Mr. Mosher

    Larry Pine, The Grand Budapest

    larry pine grand budapest fixed Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Mosher’s not particularly interesting. But hey, he hired Zero! That’s cool! –Allison Shoemaker


    141. Panagle

    Andreas Sheikh, Moonrise Kingdom

    1471 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Ever get the sense that Anderson likes to occupy an image with lots of people and takes joy in devising names then casting a person to fill a busy character shot? Panagle seemed like one of those inventions. –Blake Goble


    140. Bookstore Manager

    Darryl Cox, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 11.20.56 AM

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    “Don’t call me an idiot, you punk!” Few people, if any, could shut down Dignan. Could you imagine what a hard ass this guy is on any given day? Odds are his stockboys hate him. –Michael Roffman


    139. Anatole

    Daniel Steiner, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 12.11.53 PM

    While he doesn’t do a whole lot, Anatole’s got two things going for him: he looks perfect in this movie, all skinny and wobbly and stuff, and he’s in every damn trailer (“The police are here”). That’s about it. –Allison Shoemaker


    138. Rowboat

    Tak Kubota, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 4.38.58 PM

    Rowboat has a history with James Caan’s Abe Henry. What that history is we don’t exactly know. But you can’t argue with a nickname like Rowboat. –Michael Roffman


    137. Alice Whitman

    Camila Rutherford, The Darjeeling Limited

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 4.37.06 PM

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    All that’s clear about Alice Whitman from her brief scenes in The Darjeeling Limited is that she and Adrian Brody’s Peter aren’t doing too hot in the love department. Not a surprise, I suppose, this being a Wes Anderson film and all. –Randall Colburn


    136. Bean’s Son

    Garth Jennings, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.36.35 PM

    Ha, what a little twerp. All covered in gunk. Bean’s son probably got bad grades and was a wormy, entitled butthead, too. Call it a hunch. But nice comic relief. –Blake Goble


    135. Renzo Pietro

    Pawel Wdowczak, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    Pawel Wdowczak, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    You know what’s pretty cool about Pietro, an otherwise forgettable character in a movie chock-full of memorable ones? He does sound for Zissou’s film, and he’s portrayed by the guy who was the movie’s actual sound designer. Cool, now let’s shag ass. –Justin Gerber


    134. Bernice

    Haley Miller, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 5.11.41 PM

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    Bernice may believe that Anthony is a jet pilot, but she sure knows when to leave a conversation. –Zack Ruskin


    133. Agnes

    Juman Malouf, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 2.21.02 PM

    Agnes had nice spots. It was a tad peculiar that she got to hang with the Fox family in the end, but what do we know about foxes and their animal behavior? –Allison Shoemaker


    132. Bobby Ogata

    Niels Koizumi, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    139 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Of all the Team Zissou descriptions, “Frog Man” may be the strangest. But Ogata’s a good hand. Now put out those deck fires before we sink. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    131. Roosevelt

    Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick, Moonrise Kingdom

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 4.06.29 PM

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    “Roosevelt, how’s that lanyard coming?” “Horrible.” No joke — Roosevelt is very, very bad at lanyards. –Allison Shoemaker


    130. Mr. Herbert Billingsley

    Larry Pine, Moonrise Kingdom

    137 e1456078606141 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    We don’t spend long with Mr. Herbert Billingsley, but his phone call, in which he says he can no longer foster Sam, is a memorably heartbreaking moment. –Zack Ruskin


    129. Nico, Intern #1

    Matthew Gray Gubler, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    136 e1456078660295 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Nico was the finest, bestest intern. The one that stayed. Nico deserves any and all extra credit. –Blake Goble


    128. Gadge

    Chadler Frantz, Moonrise Kingdom

    132 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    We don’t know much about Gadge, but since he works as Scout Master Ward’s note-taker and is the first person to notice that Snoopy’s gone, we can assume he’s detail-oriented. –Allison Shoemaker


    127. Mrs. Bean

    Helen McCrory, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    131 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    A fantastic actress in her own right, the best part about McCrory’s character is the food she prepares. Stare into the “Famous Nutmeg Ginger Apple Snaps” and despair! –Justin Gerber


    126. Prisoner Günther

    Volker Michalowski, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Prisoner Günther

    Günther. Didn’t do much. Didn’t say much. But, he played an instrumental role in the escape of Gustave H. from prison in Grand Budapest Hotel, and that’s worth at least a mild commendation. Or maybe even a bigger piece of a Mendl’s treat. –Blake Goble


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