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Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

A collection of heroes and villains that are "most satisfactory"

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    This feature originally ran in February 2016 and has been re-published today as Isle of Dogs hits theaters.

    “It is an extremely common mistake. People think the writer’s imagination is always at work, that he’s constantly inventing an endless supply of incidents and episodes — that he simply dreams up his stories out of thin air. In point of fact, the opposite is true. Once the public knows you’re a writer, they bring the characters and events to you. And as long as you maintain your ability to look, and to carefully listen, these stories will continue to … Stop it! Stop it! Don’t! Don’t do it!”

    –The author as an old man shot with pellets by his grandson, The Grand Budapest Hotel.

    The world of Wes Anderson is a perfectly designed park that audiences have been so lucky to play in. Brimming with nostalgia, resolute framing, addled adolescence, troubled adulthood, and of course, sensationally drawn characters, Anderson builds terrific dramas and comedy of the surreally humane.

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    Today, in celebration of the release of Anderson’s latest film, Isle of DogsConsequence of Sound seeks to rank those characters — for their qualities, idiosyncrasies, and all around memorability. From Sam and Suzy to Ari and Uzi. Why there’s even room for Mr. Fox and Cody the three-legged dog.

    But why? Because we can. Because Max Fischer would.

    –Blake Goble
    Senior Staff Writer

    p.s. Let us know where your favorite Isle of Dogs characters should slot into our list in the future…

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    161. Fire Chief

    Martin Ballard, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.03.44 PM

    Like the pilot, the fire chief just does what he’s asked with little emotion on his face. We’d like him more if he actually enjoyed flushing animals out of their burrows, but instead, he’s an empty shell of a man. –Dan Caffrey


    160. Pilot

    Rob Hersov, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    88 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    The pilot for Franklin Bean is nothing more than a mustachioed stooge, eager to do anything for his mean-ass boss, no matter how horrible. It’s not the actions that make him bad, but his refusal to ask why he’s doing them in the first place. –Dan Caffrey


    159. Grande Dame

    Lisa Kreuzer, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Lisa Kreuzer, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    This is a deep cut Anderson character right here. Gotta look around the edges of the framing. Cultish German actress Lisa Kreuzer as the Grande Dame was one of Gustave H.’s many bedfellows. –Blake Goble


    158. Carmen

    Anna Cifuentes, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 11.05.52 AM

    No, she doesn’t know where Inez is at this moment. Or where else she belongs in this film. –Michael Roffman


    157. Serge’s Sister

    Giselda Volodi, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.04.46 PM

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    Five lines: “Yes, sir?” “Yes, sir.” “No, sir.” “No, sir.” “Yes, sir.” Then she gets beheaded. –Allison Shoemaker


    156. Anita

    Melinda Renna, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 11.14.00 AM

    Who could hang up on Anthony? She could. Anita doesn’t get much screen time, but she has one icy resolve. –Michael Roffman


    155. Rabbit Girl and Boy

    Molly Copper, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.35.15 PM

    Rabbit Girl and Boy’s cuteness gets undercut by their crazed red eyes — unsettling in the worst way possible. –Dan Caffrey


    154. Rob

    Stephan Dignan, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 4.27.05 PM

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    Rob, aren’t you supposed to be in literature? –Randall Colburn


    153. Dr. Badger

    Jennifer Furches, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    110 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Dr. Badger gets brownie points from us because she’s a pediatrician, and thus the resident healer in Fantastic Mr. Fox. She also looks exactly like her husband Clive Badger, which means he disappears all too easily in Bill Murray’s shadow. –Dan Caffrey


    152. Antonia Cook

    Isabella Blow, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    Isabella Blow, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    Antonia only shows up in brief to congratulate Zissou on his success, and what a success it was. Seriously. (We wish it didn’t require the “seriously,” but hey.) –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    151. Mr. Beaver

    Steven M. Rales, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.41.11 PM

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    For most of the film, the bucktoothed rodent stands there like a goon in his three-piece suit, never uttering a word or offering to help. Only when he goes on a reconnaissance mission after the animals are holed up underground does he begin to distinguish himself. –Dan Caffrey


    150. Doug, Explosives Man

    Tristan Oliver, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 12.54.19 PM

    It’s great that one of the film’s biggest catastrophes comes from an explosives expert who’s simply named Doug. “Contact!” –Michael Roffman


    149. Antonio Monda

    Antonio Monda, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    122 e1456087808435 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    As much as it’s a hoot to see the real-life professor/director/essayist/cultural giant interview Steve Zissou in The Life Aquatic, most of the good stuff ended up on the cutting-room floor. –Dan Caffrey


    148. Izod

    L.J. Foley, Moonrise Kingdom

    L.J. Foley, Moonrise Kingdom

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    Izod is the kinda guy who will absolutely run off to get more gunpowder when so ordered. What? It’s not like they can all be memorable. –Allison Shoemaker


    147. Herr Mendl

    Rainer Reiners, The Grand Budapest

    herr mendl Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    While he may have been a talented patisserie man … actually, Agatha did the work. Okay, while he might have had great craftsmanship and packaging design … well, again, that craft seemed like Agatha, and the design would have likely been outsourced. Yeah, alright, Herr Mendl was likely a touchy, credit-hogging, oddball loner wasn’t he? –Blake Goble


    146. Doctor

    Dipak Pallana, The Royal Tenenbaums

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 12.00.50 PM

    There’s not much to say about Dipak Pallana’s Doctor, though this won’t be the actor’s last appearance on this list. He’s also, interestingly enough, the son of Kumar Pallana, who we’ll meet later on. –Randall Colburn


    145. Rabbit’s Ex-Girlfriend

    Allison Abbate, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.09.41 PM

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    One of the many ancillary animals in The Fantastic Mr. Fox, she enjoys the title character’s newspaper column, but can’t be bothered to get a subscription because she’s too cheap. A boring, stingy accountant. No wonder she’s Mr. Rabbit’s “ex” girlfriend! –Dan Caffrey


    144. Lieutenant

    Neal Huff, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.02.52 PM

    Anderson takes a lot of care with his films. Often even if a character’s known only by a title or description, they’re dynamic and feel real. This is not one of those cases. –Allison Shoemaker


    143. Dr. Nichols

    Ned Dowd, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 4.55.44 PM

    Um, seems like a nice enough guy. He lets Anthony crawl out of his window with a rope of tied bedsheets and doesn’t call security, so that’s pretty cool. –Randall Colburn


    142. Mr. Mosher

    Larry Pine, The Grand Budapest

    larry pine grand budapest fixed Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    Mosher’s not particularly interesting. But hey, he hired Zero! That’s cool! –Allison Shoemaker


    141. Panagle

    Andreas Sheikh, Moonrise Kingdom

    1471 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Ever get the sense that Anderson likes to occupy an image with lots of people and takes joy in devising names then casting a person to fill a busy character shot? Panagle seemed like one of those inventions. –Blake Goble


    140. Bookstore Manager

    Darryl Cox, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 11.20.56 AM

    “Don’t call me an idiot, you punk!” Few people, if any, could shut down Dignan. Could you imagine what a hard ass this guy is on any given day? Odds are his stockboys hate him. –Michael Roffman


    139. Anatole

    Daniel Steiner, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 12.11.53 PM

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    While he doesn’t do a whole lot, Anatole’s got two things going for him: he looks perfect in this movie, all skinny and wobbly and stuff, and he’s in every damn trailer (“The police are here”). That’s about it. –Allison Shoemaker


    138. Rowboat

    Tak Kubota, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 4.38.58 PM

    Rowboat has a history with James Caan’s Abe Henry. What that history is we don’t exactly know. But you can’t argue with a nickname like Rowboat. –Michael Roffman


    137. Alice Whitman

    Camila Rutherford, The Darjeeling Limited

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 4.37.06 PM

    All that’s clear about Alice Whitman from her brief scenes in The Darjeeling Limited is that she and Adrian Brody’s Peter aren’t doing too hot in the love department. Not a surprise, I suppose, this being a Wes Anderson film and all. –Randall Colburn


    136. Bean’s Son

    Garth Jennings, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.36.35 PM

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    Ha, what a little twerp. All covered in gunk. Bean’s son probably got bad grades and was a wormy, entitled butthead, too. Call it a hunch. But nice comic relief. –Blake Goble


    135. Renzo Pietro

    Pawel Wdowczak, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    Pawel Wdowczak, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    You know what’s pretty cool about Pietro, an otherwise forgettable character in a movie chock-full of memorable ones? He does sound for Zissou’s film, and he’s portrayed by the guy who was the movie’s actual sound designer. Cool, now let’s shag ass. –Justin Gerber


    134. Bernice

    Haley Miller, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 5.11.41 PM

    Bernice may believe that Anthony is a jet pilot, but she sure knows when to leave a conversation. –Zack Ruskin


    133. Agnes

    Juman Malouf, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 2.21.02 PM

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    Agnes had nice spots. It was a tad peculiar that she got to hang with the Fox family in the end, but what do we know about foxes and their animal behavior? –Allison Shoemaker


    132. Bobby Ogata

    Niels Koizumi, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    139 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Of all the Team Zissou descriptions, “Frog Man” may be the strangest. But Ogata’s a good hand. Now put out those deck fires before we sink. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    131. Roosevelt

    Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick, Moonrise Kingdom

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 4.06.29 PM

    “Roosevelt, how’s that lanyard coming?” “Horrible.” No joke — Roosevelt is very, very bad at lanyards. –Allison Shoemaker


    130. Mr. Herbert Billingsley

    Larry Pine, Moonrise Kingdom

    137 e1456078606141 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    We don’t spend long with Mr. Herbert Billingsley, but his phone call, in which he says he can no longer foster Sam, is a memorably heartbreaking moment. –Zack Ruskin


    129. Nico, Intern #1

    Matthew Gray Gubler, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    136 e1456078660295 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Nico was the finest, bestest intern. The one that stayed. Nico deserves any and all extra credit. –Blake Goble


    128. Gadge

    Chadler Frantz, Moonrise Kingdom

    132 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    We don’t know much about Gadge, but since he works as Scout Master Ward’s note-taker and is the first person to notice that Snoopy’s gone, we can assume he’s detail-oriented. –Allison Shoemaker


    127. Mrs. Bean

    Helen McCrory, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    131 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    A fantastic actress in her own right, the best part about McCrory’s character is the food she prepares. Stare into the “Famous Nutmeg Ginger Apple Snaps” and despair! –Justin Gerber


    126. Prisoner Günther

    Volker Michalowski, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Prisoner Günther

    Günther. Didn’t do much. Didn’t say much. But, he played an instrumental role in the escape of Gustave H. from prison in Grand Budapest Hotel, and that’s worth at least a mild commendation. Or maybe even a bigger piece of a Mendl’s treat. –Blake Goble


    125. Bookstore Employee

    Dipak Pallana, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 11.18.17 AM

    As the hapless bookstore employee who’s subject to Anthony and Dignan’s first honest-to-goodness robbery, Dipak Pallana is nothing if not confused. “Why do you have that tape on your nose?” he asks as Dignan and Bob bafflingly “cacaw!” at each other. He’s a fine foil to the mishaps of our protagonists. –Randall Colburn


    124. Nathan Bunce

    Hugo Guinness, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 12.35.53 PM

    Look at the little guy! Wading, struggling to float in the shallow end of a pool. Bunce was a croney for Bean, but it didn’t make him any less villainous and creepy. –Blake Goble


    123. H. Clay Murchison

    Brian Tenenbaum, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 4.41.25 PM

    Just being in proximity to Future Man, Bottle Rocket’s resident bully, will bump you up a few slots on this list. H. Clay Murchison is nothing more than a lackey with a douchebag rich kid name, but he serves an important purpose: to be the exact kind of person Luke Wilson’s Anthony never wants to become. –Randall Colburn


    122. The Mechanic

    Barbet Schroeder, The Darjeeling Limited

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.06.11 PM

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    Barbet, mother-flappin’ Schroeder, in a glorified cameo? Nice, nice, nice. Perhaps this was a plea to viewers to check out Schroeder’s work. Like, go out and watch Reversal of Fortune right this second! –Blake Goble


    121. Vikram Ray

    Waris Ahluwalia, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    134 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Vikram may not say much, but as Team Zissou’s primary cinematographer, it’s up to him to make sure the camera never stops rolling, no matter how bad things get. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    120. Prisoner Wolf

    Karl Markovics, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Prisoner Wolf

    Actor Karl Markovics has the perfect mug to play one of the rogues Gustave meets (and befriends) in a Zubrowska internment camp. But he gets marked down because his name is Wolf and never transforms into the lupine creature from Fantastic Mr. Fox. What was Wes Anderson thinking? –Dan Caffrey


    119. Daniel Peabody

    Brian Cox, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 12.53.48 PM

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    This field reporter’s face looks almost identical to the fire chief’s. Are they twins, perhaps? If so, Daniel’s clearly the more likable of the two, a consummate professional who actually enjoys what he does for a living. I’ll bet he’s Mummy and Daddy’s favorite to boot! –Dan Caffrey


    118. M. Dino

    Waris Ahluwalia, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    112 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    In terms of abandoning emergencies to help a fellow member of the Keys, M. Dino ranks right behind M. Robin. He may stop fighting the fire, but at least he doesn’t pause in the middle of CPR. Oh, and his costume is fabulous. –Allison Shoemaker


    117. Mr. Beaver’s Son

    Jeremy Dawson, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.56.22 PM

    Because he has a decent amount of lines and gets his jollies from picking on Ash Fox, the Beav stands out from many of the other critters. But as far as Wes Anderson bullies go, he’s got nothing on Rushmore’s Magnus Buchan. –Dan Caffrey


    116. M. Robin

    Fisher Stevens, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    951 e1456089924747 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    M. Robin is another concierge, most notable for passing off CPR duties in order to get to the phone and help Gustave. Luckily, all lobby boys are well-trained in health and safety. –Allison Shoemaker


    115. The Wolf

    Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.41.48 PM

    All that talk from Mr. Fox about having a “phobia” of wolves, and then out of nowhere, The Wolf appears, and Mr. Fox fawns. Is there anything cooler than the four-legged beauty giving a power fist? –Blake Goble


    114. Deluca

    Rob H. Campbell, Moonrise Kingdom

    Rob H. Campbell, Moonrise Kingdom

    In case you were wondering which kid’s Deluca, he’s the one with the giant fucking bowie knife who tells Suzy that Sam’s crazy. Pot, kettle. –Allison Shoemaker


    113. Walter Boggis

    Robin Hurlstone, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 12.39.08 PM

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    One of the film’s three vicious farmers, Boggis is the one who somehow manages to eat a full-portioned chicken for every square meal. Astounding. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    112. Stacy Sinclair

    Jenni Tooley, Bottle Rocket

    stacy Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Bless her heart, but Stacy is something of a ditz. She’s ostensibly one of Future Man’s crew, but she finds herself much more interested in Anthony’s laconic existentialism. “You’re really complicated, aren’t you?” she asks, as if that were the biggest novelty in the world. –Randall Colburn


    111. Nelson Squirrel

    Roman Coppola, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 2.10.33 PM

    As the contractor in charge of the renovations on the Foxes’ home, this is one critter with a passion for hard work, a good attitude, and a job well done. His role may be minor, but he makes sure you respect him, even if you can’t quite remember him. –Dan Caffrey


    110. M. Georges

    Wallace Wolodarsky, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    wolodarsky grand budapest Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    M. Georges gets right down to business, which is great for the Society of the Crossed Keys, but bad for people who are ranking Anderson characters. Here’s what we know of him: he’s “got it.” –Allison Shoemaker


    109. Clotilde

    Lea Seydoux, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    120 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Anytime Léa Seydoux is on screen, she glows. Perhaps one day Anderson will write her a role more interesting than this one. Until then, if you want to see what she’s capable of, watch basically anything else she’s in. –Allison Shoemaker


    108. Petey

    Jarvis Cocker, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Jarvis Cocker, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Alt-rock singer/songwriter Jarvis Cocker doesn’t get a huge role in The Fantastic Mr. Fox, but he still gets to sing a charming little ditty about the titular critter, complete with Claymation jugband. Of course, his yarn is cut off by Boggis, who was listening the whole time. Don’t worry Petey: we rather liked it. –Clint Worthington


    107. Applejack

    Jim Ponds, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 3.58.48 PM

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    Poor Applejack. Despite being the most experienced of Abe Henry’s goons, he was also the only one to take a bullet during Dignan’s ill-fated heist. Dignan made him a belt buckle in prison; however, so that probably helped soothe his wounds. –Randall Colburn


    106. Rickity

    Adrien Brody, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    55 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    The great joke of Rickity is his voice. Here comes this eager pipsqueak, and he’s got the voice of Adrien Brody mimicking a chain-smoking pipe-fitter. –Blake Goble


    105. Ronny and Donny Blume

    Ronnie and Keith McCawley, Rushmore

    Screen Shot 2016-02-22 at 9.46.06 AM

    Everybody hates their kids sometimes. It’s one of those things we all know but politely disregard because of blood ties. But if your kids were Ronnie and Donnie, you might go off the high dive, too. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    104. The Father

    Irrfan Khan, The Darjeeling Limited

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.12.02 PM

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    Irrfan Khan is an Indian film actor with an impressive resume in Hindi, British, and Hollywood cinema. As the father of a deceased young Indian boy, Khan’s role here mainly circles around his culture’s funeral practices and the toll they take on his well-being. In a movie about the grief sons feel for their father, his mourning of his son serves as a necessary counterpoint. –Randall Colburn


    103. Prisoner Pinky

    Florian Lukas, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.21.15 PM

    Pink Bandisnki inspired the following Gustave H. monologue, and we can’t thank him enough for that: “What happened, my dear Zero, is I beat the living shit out of a sniveling little runt called Pinky Bandinski, who had the gall to question my virility. Because, if there’s one thing we’ve learned from penny dreadfuls, it’s that when you find yourself in a place like this, you must never be a candy ass; you’ve got to prove yourself from day one. You’ve got to win their respect. You should take a long look at his ugly mug this morning.” –Blake Goble


    102. Vladimir Wolodarsky

    Noah Taylor, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    Noah Taylor, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    Noah Taylor, you know we love you. But as documentary score composer Vladimir Wolodarsky, your original music pales in comparison to Seu Jorge’s David Bowie covers. Sorry! –Dan Caffrey


    101. Rocky

    Donny Caicedo, Bottle Rocket

    Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 10.54.23 AM

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    Rocky’s a sweet kid, but damn if his poor translation skills don’t cause Anthony a helluva lot of heartache. –Randall Colburn


    100. Mordecai

    The Royal Tenenbaums

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 11.58.02 AM

    If you can pull off flying away into the sky to a Mutato Muzika Orchestra cover of “Hey Jude”, you deserve a name like Mordecai. –Zack Ruskin


    99. Mr. Adams

    Dipak Pallana, Rushmore

    Dipak Pallana, Rushmore

    Dipak Pallana’s face is the first one we see in Rushmore. As Max’s math teacher, he sets the stage for our hero to establish his dominant intellect with “the hardest Geometry equation in the world.” But, just like that equation and Max’s popularity, he’s nothing but a dream. –Randall Colburn


    98. The Chief Steward

    Waris Ahluwalia, The Darjeeling Limited

    Waris Ahluwalia, The Darjeeling Limited

    Waris Ahluwalia, a newfound mainstay of Anderson’s troupe, exudes authority with his steely gaze and confident tone. As The Chief Steward of the Darjeeling Limited, he also quietly culls empathy with non-verbal cues that point to a fractured relationship with co-worker Rita. He’s also pretty good at catching a poisonous snake with nothing more than a spatula. –Randall Colburn


    97. Redford

    Lucas Hedges, Moonrise Kingdom

    redford Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    Alas, every troubled kid needs a bully. It makes the movie struggle real. Redford is an all-timer in Moonrise Kingdom. The redheaded stepchild with the bad-boy motor bike tormented Sam and Suzy and was a nasty little tattletale. Actually, the only thing to enjoy about this punk kid is when he gets an arrow stuck in him. This is less about condoning child abuse and more about relishing comeuppances; you feel me? –Blake Goble


    96. Phil Mole

    James Hamilton, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.34.53 PM

    Stare into Phil Mole’s hypnotic eyes, and you may fall into a trance. He’s also a nocturnal rodent who “just wants to see a little sunshine.” Try not to love him. I dare you. –Zack Ruskin


    95. Grace

    Shea Fowler, Bottle Rocket

    1421 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Grace is precocious, but age is just a number. Her advice to her big brother Anthony is some of the sagest wisdom offered in Bottle Rocket. –Zack Ruskin


    94. Linda Otter

    Karen Duffy, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.39.21 PM

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    Truth be told, Badger, Beaver & Beaver’s secretary is kinda boring until she writes down all of the animals’ scientific names. The way she says “Got it” with the exact same cadence every time becomes one of the funniest bits in the film. –Dan Caffrey


    93. Mrs. Calloway

    Connie Nielsen, Rushmore

    tumblr_koto08CO3q1qzhiqwo1_1280

    Forgive me for this, but Mrs. Calloway is Rushmore’s MILF. All the boys salivate over sweet, little Dirk’s mom, especially Max, who betrays his friend by regaling his classmates with tales of illicit handjobs. Sure, it’d be nice if we knew a little about her, but Rushmore is looking at the world through the eyes of a teenage boy. –Randall Colburn


    92. Franklin Bean

    Michael Gambon, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 12.35.31 PM

    God, where to start? He’s the skinny one. He invented his own species of both turkeys and apples. His diet consists solely of apple cider. He’s a condescending son-of-a-bitch. Oh, and he’s “possibly the scariest man currently living.” Fantastic Mr. Fox isn’t about the humans, but of those we see, Bean’s the most memorable. –Allison Shoemaker


    91. Monsieur Jean

    Jason Schwartzman, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Jason Schawartzman, The Grand Budapest Hotel

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    M. Jean gives Jude Law’s author the skinny on Mr. Moustafa, so we have him to thank for the story’s existence. As his reward, he presumably gets to spend all his working hours hanging out with a very nice painting. –Allison Shoemaker


    90. Monsieur Chuck

    Owen Wilson, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    monsieur chuck Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    “Military concierge” M. Chuck is yet another helpful fellow. Like most of the concierges in the film, he’s played by an Anderson regular. Thus, he’s inherently memorable, but one’s far more likely to call him “Owen Wilson” than by his actual name. That’s the nature of famous people in bit parts, I suppose. –Allison Shoemaker


    89. Oseary Drakoulias

    Michael Gambon, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    Michael Gambon, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    Michael Gambon’s lush voice somewhat goes to pot as Oseary Drakoulias, Steve Zissou’s financial backer, but his presence is felt behind his nerdy apparel and nervous glasses. Random fact: Oseary’s name is a nod to George Drakoulias, music supervisor for films like Team America and Frances Ha. George is a bud of Wes. –Blake Goble


    88. Dusty

    Seymour Cassel, The Royal Tenenbaums

    seymour Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    Dusty’s a relic from another, more innocent era. Do charming, wizened elevator operators even exist anymore? More importantly, do I really want to talk to anybody in an elevator? Not really. Sorry you’re out of a job, Dusty, but time has left you in the dust. –Randall Colburn


    87. M. Martin

    Bob Balaban, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 2.59.04 PM

    Like all members of the Society of the Crossed Keys, M. Martin’s got his priorities straight. Someone’s got to taste the sauce, but a fellow concierge comes first. Yes, he’s just one in a series of punchlines — “take over” — but his placement at the end of the phone tree, plus his cute little waiting-on-hold noise, pushes him up a few spots. –Allison Shoemaker


    86. Brendan

    Wally Wolodarsky, The Darjeeling Limited

    DJ Wallace Wolodarsky

    Kudos to Wally Wolodarsky’s quiet immersion into the world of Wes Anderson. The famed Simpsons’ scribe (he wrote “Last Exit to Springfield” and the “dental plan” line, people!) was in Grand Budapest, Mr. Fox, and his last name was a character in Life Aquatic. All that is to say he was delightful and sweet in Darjeeling Limited. –Blake Goble


    85. M. Ivan

    Bill Murray, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    89 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    M. Ivan’s exactly the kind of person you’d want to help you out in a tight spot. If anything, the fact that he’s played by Bill Murray seems a detriment — when has Murray ever had that kind of efficiency, that cunning, that unwillingness to take the 25 Klubecks? –Allison Shoemaker


    84. Esteban du Plantier

    Seymour Cassel, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    87 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    There’s not much to know of Esteban since it’s more the specter of his death that drives the film than any presence he has. But old installments of The Life Aquatic suggest a simpler time, when Zissou traveled to all corners of the planet with his best friend in the world. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    83. Buckley

    The Royal Tenenbaums

    63 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Perhaps the cutest member of the Tenenbaum coterie, Buckley remains relatively innocent in the midst of all the film’s familial drama. The beagle remains a symbol of the happy childhood each member wishes they still had – until his untimely death courtesy of an Eli Cash car crash reminds everyone that “it’s been a rough year.” –Clint Worthington


    82. Lazy-Eye

    Charlie Kilgore, Moonrise Kingdom

    Charlie Kilgore, Moonrise Kingdom

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    A lot of the kids in Moonrise Kingdom — at least the ones that aren’t Suzy, Sam, and the slightly villainous Redford — tend to blur together. Not so in the case of Lazy-Eye, whose handy patch makes him stick out. He’s also very interested in PhD programs. Good on ya, Lazy-Eye. –Allison Shoemaker


    81. Mr. Rabbit

    Mario Batali, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.58.54 PM

    Of all the minor characters in Fantastic Mr. Fox, Mr. Rabbit’s the one who most frequently turns to his natural animal talents. Whether he’s doing an everyday task like chopping up vegetables for a stew or something more extravagant, such as infiltrating an enemy’s farm, he always puts his speed and jumping skills to good use. Also, we like to think he’s named after a certain Paul Westerberg song. –Dan Caffrey


    80. Commander Pierce

    Harvey Keitel, Moonrise Kingdom

    Screen Shot 2016-02-18 at 3.09.44 PM

    Don’t be fooled by the fact that he’s played by Harvey Keitel: Commander Pierce is basically a plot device. He exists to dress down Ward and then immediately get rescued by the man he just stripped of Command. At least Harvey’s got a hell of a scowl. –Allison Shoemaker


    79. Dr. Peter Flynn

    Luke Wilson, Rushmore

    92 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    If I were Max, I would’ve hated him, too. The presence of any unfamiliar party at dinner inevitably pivots the conversation into a broader, less intimate place. And yeah, Peter, we understand you didn’t expect to be going to a fancy dinner, but OR scrubs aren’t really proper theater attire, either. –Randall Colburn


    78. Bill Ubell, “Bond Company Stooge”

    Bud Cort, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    bud cort life aquatic Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Bud Cort of Harold and Maude fame makes for a delightful addition to the Anderson universe. His innate haplessness and quirk clashes beautifully against all the big personalities in Zissou’s crew, and he gets his own moment of badass triumph after Jeff Goldblum’s Alastair Hennessey inquires as to whether or not this is his espresso machine. “We fuckin’ stole it, man,” Ubell says, and we all cheer. –Randall Colburn


    77. Mr. Littlejeans

    Kumar Pallana, Rushmore

    103 e1455823289249 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Wes Anderson would later figure out how to put Kumar Pallana to better use in The Royal Tenenbaums, but in Rushmore, he’s more or less eccentric background scenery as the school’s groundskeeper, Mr. Littlejeans. Although it’s comforting to see Max greet him several times throughout the film, Pallana’s deadpan charisma leaves you wanting to see more of him, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Dan Caffrey


    76. Rita

    Amara Karan, The Darjeeling Limited

    57 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    Sri-Lankan actress Amara Karan was the four-eyed object of Jason Schwartzman’s desire in Darjeeling Limited. As Rita, the train’s stewardess, Karan was soulful, sweet, and able to let Schwartzman see how utterly selfish and insecure he may be. It’s a brief role, but a key one, and Karan fascinates. –-Blake Goble


    75. Coach Skip

    Owen Wilson, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    79 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Coach Skip is every enthusiastic kid’s gym teacher trying their very best not to put down a student’s meager talents. Owen Wilson’s polite condescension really sells the short-lived character. –Blake Goble


    74. Margaret Yang

    Sara Tanaka, Rushmore

    Margaret Yang

    The template for the “approachable wallflower” character found in many an Anderson film is easily Rushmore’s Margaret Yang. Max Fischer’s inability to stop obsessing over Ms. Cross and see the girl that’s right in front of him is a bit of a cliché now, but Sara Tanaka’s perfect Andersonian deadpan makes her compelling. –Clint Worthington


    73. Bob Mapplethorpe

    Robert Musgrave, Bottle Rocket

    100 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Bob might be Bottle Rocket’s biggest fuck-up, which is really saying something in a movie led by a dude named Dignan. Sure, he can coast on his parents’ money, but he’s devoid of self-confidence or any semblance of talent (aside from growing marijauna in his backyard). That said, he’s one of the film’s most endearing characters, and it’s hard not to swell with joy when we see his douchebag older brother, Future Man, get humiliated by James Caan’s Abe Henry. –Randall Colburn


    72. Cousin Ben

    Jason Schwartzman, Moonrise Kingdom

    Jason Schwartzman, Moonrise Kingdom

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    How did such a dick end up being sort of a hero? Well, Cousin Ben (brought to life by Jason Schwartzman in scenes so quick that you could miss his whole performance in one trip to the bathroom) treats Suzy and Sam like the kids they are, but kids making grown-up decisions. None of it’s legally binding, but who cares. It’s the ceremony that matters. And fine, they can take the fucking nickels. –Allison Shoemaker


    71. Stan Weasel

    Wes Anderson, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 1.09.28 PM

    It’s worth noting this is Anderson’s only credited performance in a feature film of his. It’s as dry and witty as you’d imagine. Also, check out the awards acceptance reel that Anderson made with Stan! –Blake Goble


    70. Dudley

    Stephen Lea Sheppard, The Royal Tenenbaums

    dudley Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    It’s Dudley’s World, and we’re all just living in it. The profoundly confused subject under the care of Bill Murray’s Raleigh St. Clair is a welcome source of humor in the often bleak landscape of The Royal Tenenbaums. Can he tell time? Oh, my lord, no. –Zack Ruskin


    69. Prisoner Ludwig

    Harvey Keitel, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    73 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    Harvey Keitel’s clipped, charismatic, yet quietly menacing delivery makes him a surprisingly apt addition to Anderson’s troupe of supporting players. Did he really need to be shirtless the whole time, though? –Randall Colburn


    68. Kumar

    Kumar Pallana, Bottle Rocket

    99 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Before he was an amateur theater critic or Royal Tenenbaum’s confidant and shiv recipient, Kumar was the man who hides in a freezer and forgets who Applejack is in the climax of Bottle Rocket. Kumar was perhaps the first time Anderson employed a minor character with little to no impact on the story to great success, a recipe he has stayed with ever since. –Zack Ruskin


    67. Jon Mapplethorpe / Future Man

    Andrew Wilson, Bottle Rocket

    106 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Future Man is one of Wes Anderson’s most wonderful supporting players, a rich, hunky bully whose bro-ness is rooted in the kind of emasculation that can always be played off as simple “joshing.” He’s played by Owen and Luke’s older brother, Andrew, who exploits their laconic Texan drawl to great effect with his chuckly jabs. His best occurs after seeing Owen Wilson’s Dignan in a yellow jumpsuit: “He looks like a little banana!” Pure Anderson. –Randall Colburn


    66. Kristofferson Silverfox

    Eric Anderson, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 2.21.12 PM

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    With a name like Kristofferson Silverfox, who wouldn’t be jealous of this too-cool-for-school kid? He’s handsome. He’s smart. He meditates. Damn him for being so sweet! –Blake Goble


    65. Deputy Vilmos Kovacs

    Jeff Goldblum, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    69 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Wes Anderson’s got a bit of a soft spot for people who are just trying to do their damn jobs. Top of that list: Deputy Kovacs, whose dedication to the law and to fulfilling the wishes of his client lead him to a most unkind fate (beginning with the loss of those four fingers). Kovacs’ murder didn’t just rob us of more Jeff Goldblum (always welcome). It robbed the fictional world of a damn fine attorney. Where’s the justice in that? –Allison Shoemaker


    64. The Businessman

    Bill Murray, The Darjeeling Limited

    68 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Who is he? Why is he here? Why do I cry every time I see the glint of recognition in Peter Whitman’s eyes as he leaps aboard the Darjeeling Limited to leave the older man behind? Because, yeah, Murray’s character probably does represent his deceased father. And, yes, offspring should surpass and transcend their father. And, yes, The Kinks’ “This Time Tomorrow” has never, ever been used better. Or maybe he’s just an unlucky businessman. Whoever he is, though, he matters. –Randall Colburn


    63. The Author as a Young Man

    Jude Law, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 2.55.03 PM

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    Sometimes the most important characters in a film are among the least interesting. The Author is the vessel through which we hear Zero and Gustave’s story, and his re-telling immortalizes the people and, nearly as importantly, the place for all time. He’s essential, but he also doesn’t matter all that much. Still, in casting Jude Law, Anderson made a very smart choice: If you’re going to give the audience eyes and ears, better to put them in a top-notch actor. –Allison Shoemaker


    62. Jack’s ex-girlfriend

    Natalie Portman, Hotel Chevalier

    66 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Natalie Portman’s presence is so strong that despite only appearing in this 13-minute prologue, she’s well ahead of more established characters from Anderson’s feature films. Short-haired due to V for Vendetta filming, Portman plays the nameless ex-girlfriend who swoops back into Jack’s life (Schwartzman) before they part once more. There brief time together tells us more than enough about where Jack is and where he’s headed. Can we get a full-length spin-off, please? –Justin Gerber


    61. Ari Tenenbaum

    Grant Rosenmeyer, The Royal Tenenbaums

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 2.25.53 PM

    The more brooding of Chas Tenenbaum’s two sons, it takes some (often illegal) mischief from his grandfather, Royal, to get Ari to show some emotion. Who would’ve thought a few drops of dog blood would make us like the little guy so much? –Dan Caffrey


    60. Uzi Tenenbaum

    Jonah Meyerson, The Royal Tenenbaums

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 2.26.11 PM

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    See Ari Tenenbaum. Although Uzi has a less glowering disposition, he shares his brother’s identical red track suit, gun-inspired first name, and penchant for not talking much. It’s no surprise their creepy-twin factor (even though they’re not technically twins) got amped up for a pretty good Jimmy Eat World video. –Dan Caffrey


    59. Cody

    The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    47 e1455729067308 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Alistair Hennessy is a big-time asshole. Real rich-boy jerk. Who hits a three-legged dog with a rolled-up paper, especially one as heroic and sweet as Cody? Cody’s kind of the unsung hero of Life Aquatic. Among the boat of misfit boys, Cody stood proud, albeit a little wobbly, and became Team Zissou’s spirit animal. All because those pirates forgot their dog. Idiots. –Blake Goble


    58. Kylie Sven Opossum

    Wally Wolodarsky, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Kylie Sven Opossum

    Kylie was the best friend you never knew you wanted. Everyone wants to be the hero, the Mr. Fox of their own story. But people forget, you need a Kylie, a pragmatist with good credit and an amiable nature by your side when shenanigans go down. –Blake Goble


    57. The Author as an Old Man

    Tom Wilkinson, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    53 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    One of Anderson’s best, although brief, angry-man characters. Is there anything funnier than watching a dad figure lose his calm when trying to present a studious, serious front? Tom Wilkinson bellowing, “Stop it! Stop it!” is cruel comedy perfection. –Blake Goble


    56. Raleigh St. Clair

    Bill Murray, The Royal Tenenbaums

    Bill Murray, The Royal Tenenbaums

    “My goodness. How interesting. How bizarre!” If those were Bill Murray’s only lines in The Royal Tenenbaums, it would still be a hell of a performance. And were it not for the many other great performances Anderson got from Murray, I’d be willing to bet poor Raleigh’d rank a lot higher. –Allison Shoemaker


    55. Inspector Albert Henckels

    Edward Norton, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Edward Norton, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    “He sort of is to [M. Gustave] what Tommy Lee Jones is to Harrison Ford in The Fugitive,” Edward Norton said of his diligent Inspector in The Grand Budapest Hotel. “He might actually like this guy … a lot.” Henckel doesn’t have it out for anyone, and he’s got fond memories of Gustave. He’s just doing his job. –Allison Shoemaker


    54. Inez

    Lumi Cavazos, Bottle Rocket

    inez bottle rocket Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    Inez is a housekeeper from Paraguay who doesn’t speak English and exists almost solely to help alleviate Anthony’s existential angst by somehow falling in love with him after he stalks her at her job. Still, it’s a testament to Anderson’s writing and Cavazos’ understated performance that she’s remembered as a charming, spirited soul rather than a manic pixie dream girl. –Randall Colburn


    53. Anne-Marie Sakowitz

    Robyn Cohen, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    27 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Forget about the toplessness. The very best thing about Anne-Marie is that she is not having it. Zissou may not listen much, but he definitely doesn’t listen to the script girl. Bad luck for her, but good luck for us, or the movie’d be over in under an hour. –Allison Shoemaker


    52. Jack Whitman

    Jason Schwartzman, The Darjeeling Limited

    54 e1455825862270 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Jack Whitman is that awful 1% privileged millennial that’s heartbroken, womanizing, and longs to be a renowned writer of short stories (blech). Played by Jason Schwartzman, however, he’s wounded and empathetic and endlessly relatable. Another example of just how gorgeously Schwartzman and Anderson’s sensibilities dovetail. –Randall Colburn


    51. Anthony Adams

    Luke Wilson, Bottle Rocket

    Luke Wilson, Bottle Rocket

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    Everything’s easy for Anthony. Sure, he’s a victim of his own white, privileged existential dread, but he’s also got enough scratch to spend his days relaxing at a high-end rehab facility in the middle of the desert. But despite the cash and his good looks and the way women seem so naturally drawn to it, Anthony still longs for relevancy. Dignan is jealous of his privilege, but Anthony is jealous of Dignan’s ambition. I am, too. –Randall Colburn


    50. Narrator

    Alec Baldwin, The Royal Tenenbaums

    34 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Before Alec Baldwin seared himself back into the pop-culture consciousness (“What’s in your wallet?”), his was just a voice that sounded sort of familiar. He’s more than just a voice, though. Baldwin’s almost neutral narration sets the tone of Tenenbaums, and with just one line, he delivers the film’s killing blow: “Immediately after making the statement, Royal realized that it was true.” –Allison Shoemaker


    49. Walt Bishop

    Bill Murray, Moonrise Kingdom

    laura bishop1 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    If Bill Murray had never done another Anderson film, we’d be raving about his performance in this one. Together, he and Frances McDormand make the saddest, most sympathetic villains you can imagine. They’re as capable of despair as either of Moonrise Kingdom’s young leads, but being a grown-up means no running away. You just have to hope the roof gets ripped off the house instead. –Allison Shoemaker


    48. Rat

    Willem Dafoe, Fantastic Mr. Fox

    RAT

    Delivering his sneering dialogue in some kind of indeterminate Southern drawl, Willem Dafoe’s Rat spends his days bombed on cider while also protecting Bean’s cider cellar. Ultimately, Rat gets his for pushing Mr. Fox to the point where he has to show his teeth after attempting to kidnap Ash, and while Rat tries to help the desperate animals in his final moments, Fox has curt words for his salvation efforts: “Redemption? Sure. But in the end, he’s just another dead rat in a garbage pail behind a Chinese restaurant.” His is a tragic story, of cider addiction and the fall from grace. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    47. Etheline Tenenbaum

    Anjelica Huston, The Royal Tenenbaums

    Anjelica Huston, The Royal Tenenbaums

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    In a film full of people who are barely functional, Etheline is a motherfucking grown-up. As played by Anjelica Huston, the matriarch of the Tenenbaums may not be the film’s most compelling character, but she’s the eye of the storm. She’s an adult. They’d be lost without her. –Allison Shoemaker


    46. Laura Bishop

    Frances McDormand, Moonrise Kingdom

     Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    “We women are more emotional,” Laura Bishop tells her daughter as she studies the fishhooks in her ears. “I hate you,” Suzy responds. Frances McDormand’s reaction here is perfect. She knows it, and maybe even agrees, but she’s a parent. This is what parents do. It’s her job to be the bad guy — yet another thing to be sad about. –Allison Shoemaker


    45. Old Zero Moustafa

    F. Murray Abraham, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Screen Shot 2016-02-21 at 3.15.02 PM

    I’ve always struggled with The Grand Budapest Hotel’s bid for empathy, its story structure often too byzantine for me to relate to the characters’ grief. The one exception is the older version of (sort of) protagonist Zero Moustafa. As played by F. Murray Abraham, his weary presence and wind-beaten features keep the pain and shadow of time lingering in the background, even as the film distracts the viewer with narrative impenetrability. –Dan Caffrey


    44. The Narrator

    Bob Balaban, Moonrise Kingdom

    moonrise kingdom Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    Wes Anderson’s films always seem to operate with rules known only to them. Never is that more clear than with Bob Balaban’s narrator, also a cartographer and perhaps documentarian. He always knows what comes next, right as it happens. He brings his own lights. He’s almost out of frame, but somehow godlike and all-knowing. What the fuck? How is he not ranked higher? –Allison Shoemaker


    43. Snoopy

    Moonrise Kingdom

    44 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    For as much sympathy as Wes Anderson seems to have for dogs, he can’t keep from harming the damn things in his films. But no canine mistreatment hits harder than the death of Snoopy, if only because we see it in all of its grisly detail. In this case, that means an arrow sticking out of a bloodied neck. One could argue it’s an unnecessarily violent image, or perhaps it’s merely a statement on the cruelty of (usually human) nature. In the words of Sam Shakusky, who’s to say? –Dan Caffrey


    42. Zero Moustafa

    Tony Revolori, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Digital Fusion Image Library TIFF File

    Just like with Sam in Moonrise Kingdom, Tony Revolori’s debut performance as Zero offers another innocent look into a deeply cynical, yet candy-coated Anderson world. Zero’s wide-eyed eagerness make him a perfect outlet for the film’s perspective on time and war, and his intense loyalty to Gustave H makes for one of Anderson’s best buddy pairings. –Clint Worthington


    41. Dmitri Desgoffe und Taxis

    Adrien Brody, The Grand Budapest Hotel
    GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL_426.jpg

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    Jeez, Wes Anderson and the little details. Did anyone know the full name of Adrien Brody’s Dmitri character in Grand Budapest Hotel? Dmitri Desgoffe und Taxis? And he looks like a vampire Sergei Eistenstein, or even Dali a little, or something. The point being, Adrien Brody freaking out when “Boy with Apple” is taken is the stuff of comic rage gold. –Blake Goble


    40. Social Services

    Tilda Swinton, Moonrise Kingdom

     Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Tilda Swinton manages to make big, bold impressions in the smallest of roles, and Moonrise Kingdom is no exception. As the monolithic, commanding Social Services, Swinton manages to boss around the entire cast of Moonrise Kingdom from the first moment she saunters onscreen. One wonders if this character is related to her taskmaster from Snowpiercer. –Clint Worthington


    39. Serge X

    Mathieu Amalric, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    26 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    While Monsieur Gustave’s doting dedication to Madame D is a central conceit of The Grand Budapest Hotel, it is Mathieu Amalric’s Serge X that ultimately clears the path for Gustave to prove his innocence. Amalric is a natural addition to the eclectic and talented group of actors that Wes Anderson has employed in his work, a unique face with a splash of French moxie. Initially we find Serge despicable for testifying against the good Monsieur, but later it is Serge’s foresight in duplicating Madame D’s will that affords Gustave the fortune and property that eventually passes down to Zero. –Zack Ruskin


    38. Agatha

    Saoirse Ronan, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    Saoirse Ronan, The Grand Budapest Hotel

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    The young woman who would become Zero’s wife, Agatha proves as resourceful as an art thief and moderate criminal as she is at pastry work. Though she and Zero’s son are lost some time after the film ends to the “Prussian grippe,” their wild life together lives on through the onetime lobby boy. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    37. Peter Whitman

    Adrien Brody, The Darjeeling Limited

    38 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    He’s cast alongside comedy pros Owen Wilson and Jason Schwartzman in The Darjeeling Limited, but Adrien Brody’s Peter Whitman ultimately ends up scoring the most laughs. There might be no funnier moment in the movie than when Wilson’s Francis realizes Peter is wearing one of his belts as they pray at an altar. “Is that my belt?” Francis asks. Peter pauses mid-prayer: “Can I borrow it?” Of course, to focus solely on the comedy is to ignore the character’s innate tragedy. The brother most affected by the death of their father, Peter cloaks himself in the late patriarch’s belongings. Everyone in this movie is trying to move on from something, but none so much as Peter. –Randall Colburn


    36. Henry Sherman

    Danny Glover, The Royal Tenenbaums

    37 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Danny Glover’s Henry Sherman is, even for an Anderson character, a particularly guileless romantic. Basically the perfect antithesis of the emotional distance of Royal Tenenbaum, Etheline falls for Henry precisely because he’s so uncomplicated. He also makes for a particularly amusing target for Royal’s racism: “You wanna talk some jive?” –Clint Worthington


    35. Bert Fischer

    Seymour Cassel, Rushmore

    36 e1455735349203 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    Oh, sweet, sweet Bert Fischer, the kind of neighborhood barber you always wished you had. He’s also a great father. He knows Max is ashamed of him, but instead of taking offense, he takes it in his stride. He doesn’t fully understand his own son, so all he can do is get out of his way and pledge to still be there when Max comes back. –Randall Colburn


    34. Alastair Hennessey

    Jeff Goldblum, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    35 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Goldblum’s endlessly surprising aging into continuous virility has rarely been used better than it is in his turn as Alistair Hennessey. Though endlessly smug (and cruel to three-legged dogs), Hennessey is part of the same scientific community as Zissou, and to be fair, they do steal his espresso machine. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    33. Dirk Calloway

    Mason Gamble, Rushmore

    dirk calloway e1455737011451 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    No words can possibly capture the raging beauty of Dirk Calloway’s accusatory monologue, so best to leave it to the tape on this entry. How Mason Gamble didn’t become a big-time star from this scene alone is still a mystery. –Blake Goble


    32. Pagoda

    Kumar Pallana, The Royal Tenenbaums

    18 e1455749863995 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    We love Pagoda because we love the man who plays him. The late Kumar Pallana had a life that would, come to think of it, make a hell of a Wes Anderson film, and it’s easy to see why Andserson and the Wilsons carved out a place in their cinematic universe for him. It’s Pallana’s presence that makes the Pagoda-Royal relationship work, from handstands to stabbing to medical help. We believe him as a spy. We believe him as a hired assassin. We believe him as an aficionado of pink pants, and above all, we believe him as a loyal friend. Pretty impressive for approximately 10 lines. –Allison Shoemaker


    31. Sister Patricia Whitman

    Anjelica Huston, The Darjeeling Limited

    32 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Three lost boys in search of a mother could do worse than the eternally alluring and impeccably nuanced Angelica Huston. As Sister Patricia Whitman, she finds the three leading men at the heart of The Darjeeling Limited at their lowest moment. But Whitman is no Manic Pixie Dream Girl – after some encouraging words, she is off, destined to live a life not defined by her children but by her own choices. –Zack Ruskin


    30. Madame D.

    Tilda Swinton, The Grand Budapest Hotel

    tilda gbh e1455738072372 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Tilda Swinton, the amazing, androgynous actress extraordinaire, went full latex and buried herself under liver spots, high hair, and fake eyes to play the 84-year-old object of Ralph Fiennes’ desire, Madame D. And Swinton’s D. netted the film a makeup nomination at the Oscars. Also, nice Max Ophüls allusion. The Earrings of Madame de … is alive and being referenced by Wes Anderson. Thanks, Criterion! –Blake Goble


    29. Pele dos Santos

    Seu Jorge, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    30 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

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    Pele dos Santos’ sole duty on Steve Zissou’s vessel, Belafonte, seems to be lounging on the deck and playing gentle Portugese-language covers of David Bowie songs. And that’s just fine by us. Portrayed by Brazilian troubadour Seu Jorge, Pele stoked the fires of Bowie love in an entire generation of college students. Even the Thin White Duke himself professed a renewed interest in his own work thanks to Jorge: “Had Seu Jorge not recorded my songs in Portuguese, I would never have heard this new level of beauty which he has imbued them with,” he’s said of the soundtrack. –Dan Caffrey


    28. Ned Plimpton/Kingsley Zissou

    Owen Wilson, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    ned life aquatic Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    After Ned Plimpton dies in a helicopter accident, it’s revealed that Steve Zissou is sterile and therefore probably not his biological father as Ned originally claimed. But does their lack of blood relation really matter? Both men found adoration and conflict (and therefore purpose) in each other. On the surface, it’s the film’s climactic appearance of the jaguar shark that reinvigorates Zissou’s passion. I say it was actually Ned Plimpton. Sorry, make that Kinglsey Zissou.–Dan Caffrey


    27. Eleanor Zissou

    Anjelica Huston, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    50 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

    Eleanor really is the brains of Team Zissou. Huston’s endlessly wise, arch matriarch of the whole operation is as much a forceful presence as she is an adept identifier of obscure, weather-ravaged islands based on the avian wildlife sounds left in hasty voicemails. All useful skills for an adventurer to have. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


    26. Jane Winslett-Richardson

    Cate Blanchett, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

    Cate Blanchett, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

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    Her name an obvious nod to every other English actress who could have conceivably played the part, Cate Blanchett’s Jane manages to spice up the typical Wes Anderson object-of-romantic-rivalry role in numerous ways. Cynical about Steve’s notoriety and waning popularity, Jane nonetheless finds a home on the Belafonte, as she frets about the world she’s bringing her child into. –Clint Worthington


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