Like Sheryl Crow said, there are three things James Bond is known for: martinis, girls and guns. However, after a sixty-year career of engaging liberally in all three, researchers are cautioning 007 to cut back on the spy sauce a bit. Left unchecked, it could very well do something a half century’s worth of gimmicky bad guys could never accomplish: kill him.
According to Esquire, a study published in the Medical Journal of Australia on James Bond’s drinking habits over the course of his twenty-four official outings diagnoses the character with “severe alcohol use disorder.” Sure, the study is all in good fun (the lead author told the Washington Post the study was part of a cheeky Christmas competition put on by the journal), but at this point, MI6 probably needs to put on an intervention.
The authors of the study found that Bond had 109 drinks over the course of his career to date. His booziest adventure is, surprisingly, 2008’s Quantum of Solace, in which incumbent Bond Daniel Craig threw back six Vesper cocktails — a custom Ian Fleming-created beverage that includes “three measures of Gordon’s, one of vodka, [and] half a measure of Kina Lillet,” according to the original novel Casino Royale. That would increase Bond’s blood alcohol level to approximately .36 grams per deciliter, which the authors note is “enough to kill some people.”
The American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-V criteria for alcohol use disorder includes binge drinking, drinking to change one’s mood, getting into dangerous situations before, during and after drinking, and more. Those criteria would all qualify for Bond’s behavior in virtually any individual film, much less two dozen of them.
The authors of the study conclude that “There is strong and consistent evidence that James Bond has a chronic alcohol consumption problem at the ‘severe’ end of the spectrum… He should seek professional help and try to find other strategies for managing occupational stress.” Sure, M and Q are Bond’s best friends, but maybe he should look up AA.
Of course, this isn’t the first time scholars have wondered about 007’s propensity for boozy binging. A couple years after Skyfall was released, Buddy Loans came up with a nifty infographic documenting all of the drinks the superspy has slung down his pun-hole, from martinis to champagne to good old-fashioned beer. It’s not updated for Spectre, but check out the infographic below.
Watch the trailer for Bond’s booziest adventure, Quantum of Solace, below.